Some changes I think might take, and some important thoughts to journal down

I remember that I was scrolling through youtube shorts and I came across a reel of David Lynch describing the intense suicidal feeling he conceives of a brilliant idea and gets forgotten right after. That is how I feel when I comes to writing, I don't see it as an avenue to come up with thoughts or a way for my mind to go through a stream of consciousnes or maybe it does... but I treat it as like a medium to document and record my thoughts. And I hate it when it eludes me soon after. I usually write down these thoughts on a piece of paper, but honestly it takes too long and it's convenient and better to type it out on my ipad. I also checked the website's statistics and it turns out that my site actually had a few visits ever since it inception, so I guess that's surprising because I never created this blog for it to be read but rather for myself. And this does add a little bit of pressure onto me when I write because people or at least myself will expect myself to write perfect prose. But again, I can't assume that a site visit means they actually read my articles, it could probably most likely be a bot that just happens to stumble across my blog while it does its Big Data research you know because of a trillion things to search you search singaswole, this unknown site that sounds weird. Also consider the demographic that visits this site, no one would visit this site because they wanted to read something personal, because there are myriads of blogs out there that are better written, more advertised and has bigger outreach compared to mine. Like the only way you can come across this site is if you search singaswole, which is not a real word just a convenient string of words that has "singapore" and "swole" in it that is supposed to be the brand name for my friend and I creating a fitness account that we hoped would go big and successful until we - no, I decided to break up because of perceived toxicity I felt I got. The name also doesn't have any bearing to a blog or anything so people would not purposely visit this site with the intent to read some articles for them to resonate with. Enough talk, let's get to the important ideas I want to journal down.

In this world, there can't be anything that is weird, only coincidental at most. Anything weird is something that you don't understand, but can be explained. That is to say, there is nothing in this world that is inexplicable, everything as weird and odd as it seems actually has some logic and sense behind it. There is always a reason behind an action. Like this epiphany got realised when I was playing around with my tongue, sliding it into the gap in my braces, and when it was extended fully, I felt a weird sensation and since the gap has only air it didn't really make sense, because I was supposed to be feeling the air, the nothingness, but I felt something. And at first I just accepted it you know, because I believed that weird inexplicable things existed in this world, some things really are random and had to be accepted and you move on in life forgetting about the weirdness and surealness of the situation. But I decided to play around with this sensation I got. So through trial and error, I tried mixing and matching the sensations I got, it wasn't my teeth that was being felt (that was the first thing that I thought), it wasn't my palette because the temperature I felt touching the tip of my tongue was warmer and almost spongy. I kept trying until I finally understood it. It turns out that everytime I fit my tongue into the gap bounded by my gums and wire of the orthodonic braces, my tongue rolls around the wire making it touch itself. And this gave me the POSSIBLE realisation that everything in life can be explained. So does that mean deja vu's, an inexplicable sensation you receive when you experience something in the exact way you've previously experienced before, mean something deeper? Does it give us a clue about how this world was conceived? created? I feel like I'm teetering into the territories of conspiracy theories, but yes I do feel like it sounds like quite a stretch, from understanding a sensation to trying to explain the metaphysics of the world. But I don't know you know, weird things happen and it makes sense so logically could it mean something much more siginificant? Newton had an apple that fell onto his head, and it lead to a chain of discoveries that made him the physics legend that revolutionised the world of science. Think about it, because I'm gonna leave it here.

I forgot the other thought that I wanted to write down. I feel suicidal...