One of the worst mornings I've experienced in school

Well, if you know me, I struggle to form a social connection with others, after what happened today, I just feel like I have no one at all in this school, that I have no real friends that I can pour my feelings out comfortably. It's just sad. Again, I don't think I am a reliable narrator as I do overthink a lot and these intepretations of mine may deviate from what is actually the case. As the quote goes, "Change your mind, and you change the world". Today was a friday, and we had a chemistry lecture in the morning. I was the first from my class to enter the lecture theatre and chose the third row extreme right as my seat, and as the class poured in, nobody, NOT EVEN A SINGLE PERSON came to sit in my row, even the "Friend group" that I usually engage with didn't even come to sit in my row, instead all my friends who i thought were close friends of mine, chose to sit somewhere else or sit with their other closer friends. So I was just left alone with another "stranger classmate", at the other end of the row, and to me this was an insult to my social status. It was just the biggest point blank message "we don't fuck with you, me and my gang don't mess with you". And it just made me realise that I was actually not close to anyone at all, and that I had basically no one who wanted to spend time with me to talk to me and to spend time with me. I just felt like a complete loser and an outcast for the entirety of the lecture. Throughout the lecture, I could feel the glare of the girls' stare on my back as I was taking down notes and listening to the lecture, I'm pretty sure my reputation and social status is destroyed. Like, I'm not even gonna lie, I have this delusion that I was some mysterious popular cool kid that just roams around like an alpha lone wolf, and has many secret admirers too afraid to confess their feelings. Well, this prolonged bout of erotomania has ended, I just am such a sore loser, I keep lying to myself to make myself feel better to you know try to prove to myself that I was someone I wanted to be, to prove to myself that I was cool. Because to me, I feel like being popular, cool, respected and just being liked is so important to me and my self-wroth. This absolutely crushed my already withering ego. As if my day could not get any worse, I was fucking abandoned at the canteen table. Basically, when I went down for recess after the lecture I left my stuff together with a few of my classmates on the table, and when I came back with my food, the table was fucking empty, they had taken all their stuff and moved somewhere else. At the moment I was just out of my fucking mind, seriously? Like what the fuck guys? After what happened in the lecture, do I look like I needed to be reminded of how socially alienated I am. Like when I was buying my food, I was already thinking about what I wanted to tell them, and they just abandoned me like that, no warnings no notice no whatever. just ditched me to fucking eat by myself, and i did eat by myself and I was gagging throughout the meal I was just stuffing myself with rice and chicken trying to hold in all the gags and tears. I felt miserable. Like, honestly what have I ever done to you guys to deserve this treatment. I would never to do this to anyone, not even to the person I dislike the most. Like I have feelings too okay? Are they socially unaware? Because coming out of the lecture I already felt I was being judged hard, and for this to happen in a state where I was socially hyperaware and sensitive, just broke me. All these small talks, all these social engagement and effort to try to build a social connection which would manifest itself in more shared experiences where we could laugh and enjoy each other's company. It just made me reflect on what I ever did wrong, did I rub you guys in the wrong way, or do you just not like me for whatever reason. I've actually tried my best to be as neutral, to be as agreeable and peaceful to everyone I talked to, to the point where I developed social anxiety and had to suppress my real-self, to wear a fake identity as this fucking NPC. I just don't know what I done wrong, and I want to know why people dislike me so much or why they would not hang out with me or talk to me. Like, I give advice to people and help them out and try to be as friendly and open with them, yet I don't get anything in return (socially), no reception no talk no nothing, fuck. I really don't know what's wrong with me and you know these 2 existential-crisis inducing experiences led me to second-guess my self worth, whether I will be liked at all. I really don't know I really don't know, I really want to hear someone say what they think of me, how they see me as a person or do they even see me as a real person with feelings and thoughts and emotions that they also have. Do they think I'm just some sort of human robot that goes through the motion of life with no feelings no opinions or emotion no thoughts no biases no selfishness? The only best friend I have is my mom, who I used to ignore all the time (My emotional centre is around my circle of friends or rather people outside of my family you know, like when you get older, your social circle branches out beyond your family and relatives and you start to crave the companionship of friends and girlfriends and so on) and she made me realise that family, your family, our family is different. It's special and there's no one else like family, they're always there for you regardless of what, this statement seemed like a truism and didn't have any striking meaning back then, but now I just realised the importance of this statement, and it makes you feel grateful for your family