Hiatus on Bodybuilding, a new goal to be a bibliophile and my progress on just being unapologetically myself

Yo, it's been a week since I wrote, well 5 days to be exact, but I feel like a lot has happened and I need to tell you guys about it. So recently, I made enemies? wait I don't even think I made an enemy more of he made me an enemy with a certain someone, and now I have my own dedicated biggest hater in NJC. So it all started with this comment about him being indiscreetly garrulous, mind my vocabulary, calling him a "big mouth" and that that was when this little petty motherfucker got angry and decided to exact his resentment through childish little actions like putting my notebook elsewhere, choosing to avoid me actively in plain sight, like he's making all of his directed actions so obvious like he wants me to know. Well, buddy if you really got angry at a comment, you must be a real petty motherfucker.. Cus I ain't gon lie, I can't be the only person telling you that you have a big mouth, surely it isn't the first time you heard this. Anyway, I absolutely decimated and confronted him during recess saying that if he wants to show his animosity through all of these small implicit actions, do it in my face bitch, don't hide away from me, say it right in my face we can handle this like men. (oh wait you're not even one to begin with) Anyways, I feel like when you become yourself, well unapologetically yourself, it's okay to say things and critcise other people if you feel like you have to and still get hate from it. It's all part of the process of really embracing this freedom of you know being your own person, your own unique personality. I remember I heard this while doomscrolling, "you will never meet a hater that is better than you". All your haters, or anybody who dislikes you could be potentially someone that envies you, and is jealous or feels bitter when you know you don't reciprocate a similar feeling or something. And I feel like this experience is super important, I do need to experience some kind of hate in my life for me to grow as a person, to learn how to deal with people like this and how to ignore such spiteful comments as such. Cause if I'm gonna do something or change something that might affect the global world, I'm definitely gonna face some kind of opposition, people are gonna have different ideas different opinions and feel offended or unjust because of it. So I try not to overthink and tell myself that this is okay, this is healthy and you need this kind of "hate therapy" to you know emerge as a stronger and more unapologetically version of yourself. I feel like anyone with social anxiety or serious problems related to shyness or insecurity or just a lack of guts. I think that you really need to just learn to be yourself, that is the first step to becoming better, to you know turning your life around for the better. I think when it comes to social relations, being yourself and not overthinking everything is what is most important, even if it makes other people uncomfortable, because you always need to put yourself first when it comes to this kinds of things. Like are you really gonna give a fuck about what other people think when you're gonna ask the teacher a stupid question because you blanked out for the first few minutes of the lesson, fuck no. You gotta do what you gotta do even if it means pissing a few people off, because at the end of the day, it is really you against the world. No one is gonna fight for you or help fucking hold you hand through life. You gotta stand up for what you think is right, do something that will be awkward but will not make you regret. The last thing I wanna feel is regret, regret at not doing anything to improve my circumstances or to express myself in front of other people. I need to express myself and, if he wants to continue this pattern of you know releasing his resentment at me. I'm not gonna hold back anymore, I'm gonna run my mouth all over him. SO you know if you're reading this and you know who you are. Watch out.

Now that I have ranted. I want to move on to another topic of interest. Maybe not move on, but further discuss on a similar subject which is just my overall anxiety. Just like a week ago, I felt abject solitude and was just you know in a very depressed state of mind, I felt like god had forsaken me you know. It's that kind of shitty feeling you get when you realise that you have no one to rely on, and that it is really indeed you and the world. I mean life can really dip, and get really shitty at times, but just like how the waves ebb and flows, there will be points in life where it gets really bad, whether you think its fair or not. You can't really control it, but you can control how you react to it, you can control you emotions and the thoughts, whether it will be positive or negative. I just want to say that you do have a lot of control over your feelings, whether to feel good about the person or not. Like this guy I was talking about, with his resentful acts and all his gimmicks, I still don't really see him as an enemy or someone I hate a lot, even though I may get a little ahead of myself and curse at him. But I really don't see him very differently, all I see is a childish boy who just feels a sense of unjust, and his prolonged extended disdain at me. But other than that I don't really set aside much thought of him because honestly it's a bit ridiculous. So you know you frame your perspective, and you change the world and you feelings. It's really all about perspective I would say. So many people have different way of seeing things and therefore they do things differently, like for example this action of answering a question. To some who are really shy, they might think that everyone is watching them as they answer and is judging as they speak, but to those more outspoken and less self-conscious, it's just an opinion that he is giving and there's really nothing more than a contribution to the class discussion. Really life is all about perspective, and it's something I'm learning as I slowly step out of my comfort zone to embrace the uncomfortable. Something that is objectively wrong, could be right if you change your perspective and you might not even feel bad about it. I mean this concept used to be really abstract, but not I'm living it, and it's concretised. And the more I put myself out there, the more I step out of my comfort zone, I find myself more happy and fulfilled. Emotionally satisfied, I don't regret or have too many unhappy thoughts because I knew what I did was best for me and I acted on my thoughts instead of holding back which I would've definitely regretted. So you know, doesn't matter what you do, do what is yourself and what is right for you. If you were reading this paragraph, and felt really confused. I just wanna say it like this: Live life without regrets, act on your impulses because what you might think is wrong or embarrassing could actually be very different, and correct. It's all about perspective and how you view things.

And another topic is my reading habits. You know recently I've found myself wanting to return to the world of books, to deep dive into classics and self-help manuals, in pursuit of more knowledge and just to develop a better understanding and appreciation for the world. I really want to be a bibliophile, you know it's kind of sad that a lot of people around don't read that much and they don't know how much they are missing out. Even I don't know how much I'm missing out. It's a paradox, when you learn something you're supposed to feel a sense of enlightenment, but sometimes you're just left stunned, confounded and wondering at the endless possiblities of what more else there is to learn, you realise that there is a sea of knowledge that is out there, undiscovered waiting for you to learn about it. (I just put on God Is by Kanye West, just finished a brutal pimple picking session as part of my facial package) As I was saying, the more you learn, the more you learn that you don't know. And this is really very humbling and it motivates me to learn more. So the plan is just to be a bookworm and fill every free waking moment reading or writing. I want to be really good.

One of my gripes with Singaporean society is their really really awful poor actually abysmal way of expressing themselves. Everytime I go on Tik Tok and I see Singaporeans speak Singlish, I just cringe. It's like some of us cannot even form a proper sentence that makes sense or conveys what they're trying to say. I blame it on just our environment, most people in singapore speak Singlish, broken english with bits and pieces of dialects interweaved into our sentences. And because we grew up in an environment devoid of any proper standard of speaking the language aside from english lessons in our curriculum which fills only like a very small fraction of our lives. Seriously, and the culture of book reading is just non-existent in Singapore, everytime I enter a library I see people either "mugging" or just on their fucking phones. I'm writing this blog in the library and if I take a 360 look at everyone around, no one is really reading. Everyone in the row of couches is on their phones, the two guys opposite me are on their phones as well with one other guy on a notebook, scribbling down notes. Okay now I've feel like I've hit a ceiling or like a plateau in my language ability, because of late I don't see drastic improvements in my reading or writing skills. I guess that the so-called "beginner honeymoon" period of learning has ended and now it's time to actually improve with a plan. I feel like my language ability has to improve more, I feel like I'm still lacking in the level of expression I desire, I might have to start reading more fiction.

Let's talk about my injury now, if you have been keeping up with the blog, you might've known that I injured myself in the gym. So, this week on Wednesday, I went to see a doctor, and he diagnosed me with what I have suspected to be the case. Tendonitis. I have tendonitis in my pec, triceps, and my quadriceps. Also, a forearm strain (BICEP BRACHII) strain which honestly has me questioning because I feel my tendon in my forearm and not really near the bicep region. He also diagnosed me with a previously recovered but still injurious shin splints. I mean lowkey I felt that the doctor was very calm and chill, he seemed like a really really laid back guy, but this also came with you know a bit of scepticism with his diagnosis. Pec tendonitis? Bicep Brachii tendonitis? and Quad tendonitis, I mean sometimes I really feel it around my entire knee and not just the tendon. Another thing is that my physiotherapy appointment is all the way in fucking March, the 2nd of March. Like what the fuck, are you going to let me just fester for 1 month straight without any rehabilitation? I really really want to return to the gym and start rebuilding my muscles, but I can't. So my plan right now is to take a 2 week break, make a concerted effort to avoid the gym or any kind of exercise that could potentially aggravate my tendonitis. And I have also started to read sport science manuals recommended by the doctor I consulted. Lowkey flattered because he could sense my interest in sport science, and I"m happy he senses my intelligence however this arrogant this sounds. Alongside the manual, I'm also reading a book called "Rebuilding Milo", a simple and plain guide on fixing nagging joint pain. It explains in a digestible way as if the book is a person that is speaking to you. And I'm learning a lot of things like the Continuum of Tendon Pathology which I will talk more about. In the next post, I want to form my hypothesis on how I ended up sustaining the joint pain injuries retrospectively and you know reflect on what I could do better. So the timeline goes like this, 2 weeks of complete break from all kinds of exercise or activity. Then it would be like 2 more weeks before my physiotherapy, but I plan to start the strengthening and mobility exercises well before my appointment, but obviously I will monitor these exercises based on a pain metric. If the proposed rehab movement goes over a 4/10 pain score, I will discontinue, but if it passes I will you know perform it until my appointment. Definitely gotta tell the physiotherapist about my unique structure and movement biomechanics owing to my combination of deformaties. I really hope that my training sessions can return to full swing in early April, the craziest comeback ever. And it will be worthwhile however difficult it proves to be. So 2 weeks of rest, and rehab until my consultation with the doctor on the 18th of March.

So that's that for now. I will keep y'all updated on the progonosis of my injury and rehabilitation journey. May all be well and may I recover speedily and return to the gym bigger than ever ready to break into the fitness industry as a menace.