2 months of going through the motions

I haven't been writing blogs for almost 2 months, my writing and reading skills have definitely detioriated and I have not been reading consistently. Instead I have been binge-watching a lot of youtube videos, indulged excessively in pornography and just regressed into my old ways. Why say this now? What happened? I had a wake up call today, during the Career's Fair that was held today in school. I just realised what a useless person I have, like how bleak my future looks compared to my peers. This morning I attended a presentation about the (IL)Legitimacy of Gay Marriage and there was this speaker in the middle, his presentation was superb. He spoke with perfect clarity in a very standard non-Singaporean accent. It was as if he was a shining lawyer presenting his case in a court, in front of a captivated audience. So I witnessed a presentation that was supposed to be the holy grail standard for the art of presentation. Then I went to listen to a bunch of talks, first about the public sector which I hardly gleaned anything valuable from and then a talk about the careers of AI and Computer Science. This made me realise how fluid jobs can be and it is something that I desire. Like you could be like a software engineer that can easily switch to like a business strategic advisor or an entrepeneur or a teacher. I want a job that requires a very high degree in specialisation and professionalism but at the same time afford me the opportunity to foray into other similar viable fields. Everytime I type, I type through a filter which my brain forces upon me, I can't write like I want to I can't write just normally in my own personal voice. I feel very stilted and I'm trying to breakthrough.